Half a year already?

I'm almost embarrassed how little I post on this thing; I need to change that.  It was quite honestly my cousin posting a link to hers that reminded me of mine. So thanks for that!

Life is leaving my frustrated but only time will really be able to change that.  Even though I'm getting paid well to do practically nothing and financially I should be happy, I'm not; this job makes me miserable and the money leaves me empty. I'm just not wired to sit behind a desk and the work I do, while simple, stresses me out because it comes so much harder to me. I keep complaining about it but, since I'm not completely actively trying to change it, I feel I have no right to so I need to learn to keep my mouth shut until I start doing something to change it.

I have some job options but I need to get the ball rolling on that. I've already put in a "i'm interested in getting an application" form to the Disney store and I'm working on my resume for the Gaylord Opry. I need to call Disney and ask about when they will be getting applications and I need to get my mom to look at my resume so I can try the hotel. Both of these are needed to keep moving forward to our goal which is to work on a Disney cruise line. If Roddy and I get hired then, while we work for those six month sign-ons, we can save almost everything we make. If we do that then Roddy and I can live off of what he makes and everything I make can go to the cafe. Which is our end goal. I'm so excited about owning my own business, you don't even know. Being stuck at this job just reminds me how far away it is still. Another job option I have is to go back to Chili's but I really want to look forward instead of back and I really want to give Roddy a change to get hired there in case my going back jinxes things. He needs to get a job here before he can move here.

My boyfriend and I are getting closer which is a relief to me(remember when I thought he thought I was undesirable? Yeaaaaah, not right at all.), but it's bittersweet. Because we want to be closer so badly but we're not. We've grown closer in a way that my heart gets toxic and bitter when I can't see him. And before you say anything, it's not bitter in a "I have to blow off plans with everyone I love because I'm glued to him hip" dependent sort of way. When he was here visiting he had to stay with friends two nights and I was honestly fine. Just the fact that I had the option to see him, if my schedule allowed it, calmed my heart down. The toxic comes from the "I don't know when I'll see him again because we're so far away and even when I text him saying I'm not doing anything and he says the same, we can't see each other because we're two hours away from each other and that makes things near impossible because I have to wake up at 6:30 to go to a job I hate" thing. That and we're slowly figuring out how we work in person which is great because, even though I had no doubts we would, it's still great to know. The only stressful thing is the "female at birth" thing and it's not because I'm not okay with his body. I know HE isn't okay with his body and I don't want to remind him of things that shouldn't be there or that are missing. He says he's fine and that, since he isn't making any plans to change things it shouldn't be an issue, but....I still worry. Because I love him and I want him to not dread being alone with me. /I'm paranoid okay?

And..........I'm sure there is more but that's all I can think of right now. XD;; Thanks for reading.

New Year to-do list!

So here's where I will put my goals for this year, and the steps I hope to take to get to them.

Saving Money!

$1,000/$10,000 for the Cafe Summer and I are going to open up soon-ish. We already have almost $1,000. It's a minimum of $40 a paycheck. I'll be putting how much I save each paycheck below; I want you guys to get on my case if I don't save at least that much

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 Then I need $1,000 for my "just in case" accident fund for when I move out; for those little accidents and things that need emergency cash right away. HOPEFULLY another $40 per paycheck, but you never know.

I also need at LEAST $4,000 for when I move out. That's $167 ish per paycheck, if I want to do it all this year.

My last is that I AM going to start on my back tattoo this year. I've been wanting this design for over 6 years now and I think that's enough time to know that I really DO want this, and it's not a phase. That price will come when I get it.

All in all that's at LEAST $6,000 I have to save this year. O_o Wish me luck!! OTL

Projects

Read more books. I will add to the list as books come up/I finish them

• Sherlock Holmes

Make Lolita: It'll get pricey to keep buying them, so making my own seems like the best way to go.

Personal

STOP EATING OUT